This question has drawn the attention of many experts ever since it became clear that a significant number of children up to the age of six still sleep with one or both parents. So, we’ll try to answer this question by examining whether this habit is harmful to a child’s development.
How do children get used to co-sleeping?
Usually, it begins when mothers decide to “make things easier” for themselves by stopping the routine of returning the baby to the crib after nursing and instead let the baby sleep in the parents’ bed. Naturally, it’s exhausting for parents to get up every night when the child cries — whether due to hunger, colic, or a fever. By allowing the child to sleep in their bed, parents believe that both they and the child feel more secure.
A child quickly gets used to this habit, and it can be difficult to break. The child will resist strongly when parents try to “remove” them from the bed. Co-sleeping creates a strong emotional bond between parents and child and gives the child a sense of safety. Frequent waking during the night demands a parent’s presence, as the child still doesn’t know how to fall asleep on their own — and parents provide that sense of security.
On one side, many pediatricians and psychologists confirm that a child should not be in the marital bed. Usually, one partner becomes the “outsider” — most often the father — because the bed becomes crowded. This can negatively affect the emotional relationship between the parents. Co-sleeping may also disturb sleep quality for both the parents and the child.
On the other hand, some believe that sleeping together is beneficial for the child’s development, because the child feels loved, safe, and protected when sleeping next to their parents.
The problem arises when parents want to regain their privacy and help their child become independent by having them sleep alone. A careful approach is necessary, as the child will naturally resist. Psychologists advise that the transition should not happen at the same time as the arrival of a new sibling.
Conversation is key to resolving this situation. Explain to your child that they are now “grown up” and have their own room. Let them personalize it — choose the paint color, bedding, and night lamp. Independence doesn’t happen overnight — it’s a process that takes time. Consistency is crucial during this transition period.
Here are a few important guidelines:
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Before bedtime, read your child a story, kiss them goodnight, and tuck them in.
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If your child wakes up at night, calls for you, and insists on coming to your bed — don’t allow it. Calm them down and help them fall back asleep in their own bed. This stage can be exhausting as it affects sleep quality, but don’t give up.
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Once your child stops waking up and calling for you during the night — reward them. Acknowledge their progress.