Rivalry Among Children

Family relationships and the atmosphere within the home can contribute to the emergence of rivalry among children, particularly between siblings. One of the main reasons this rivalry appears is the favoritism of one child over another.

Rivalry arises as a product of jealousy, which stems from the fear that someone we love will start loving someone else more. The fear of losing love is the main driving force behind rivalry.

In families with multiple children, rivalry is a normal occurrence. It is most pronounced in the first-born child. The reason for this behavior lies in the loss of their “first position” — the time when they were the only child and had all the attention focused solely on them. With the arrival of a new baby, that child loses their “only child” status and begins to think: “Mom doesn’t love me anymore,” or “She loves the baby more.” The younger sibling is seen as a “thief” of parental love.

The younger child is not immune to jealousy either, but it becomes more apparent as they get older. While still a baby, the younger child feels loved, while the older one expresses jealousy — sometimes through psychological regression. This means the older child may start behaving like a younger one (changing speech patterns, wetting their pants, asking for a pacifier, etc.), showing signs of returning to an earlier developmental stage.

The child regresses to get attention from their parents and to “compete” with the younger sibling. The younger child, after a carefree start, may begin to feel threatened once comparisons with the older sibling start. At that point, the younger child also becomes jealous of the older one.

Jealousy between children can be neutralized with proper parenting. What parents should do includes:

1. Providing equal status to each child

2. Spending individual time with each child

3. Avoiding comparisons and fostering cooperation, not competition

4. Understanding their emotions and needs

5. Constantly reassuring them of your unconditional love

6. Aligning parenting styles and methods with your partner